Oh, I get it.
I was the most self-loathing, self doubting person there was as a 20 something year old young woman. I accepted just about anything. Didn’t trust myself. Felt unworthy…So that alone should have you very excited to know that (spoiler alert) I don’t know who tf that girl was - anymore.
I’m so far removed from her that just seeing in writing that I was once her…makes me take pause.
So you have the end result.
What you don’t have is the how on how I went from one extreme to the complete other end of the spectrum.
If you’ve ever been plagued by self doubt…keep reading!
This could be the day that you sit it down forever.
At least, I sure as hell hope so!
Let’s talk about self doubt for just a second…
All the lost time it costs you.
Lost wins and moments to shine…
Maybe even lost money.
It’s the age of social media. I sounded like L. Boogie (my Mommie) just then, but let’s ignore that for a second. Everyone’s online with Snapchat filters out to look like Kardashians + Jenners IRL.
I know — because I’m very, very guilty of this. Yaasss beauty filter!
You see the highlight reels — or one tiny corner or that visit down the street to a fancy hotel where people sneak in for a quick selfie for social…
Lots of snaps of bootleg handbag boxes being passed off as the real thing.
People stopping in front of vehicles in parking lots or churches to get that glamour shot and ‘flex’ someone else’s ride…
I always find it funny that in these specific ‘Influencer’ profiles, no one who knows them IRL ever comments. Only fans seeing a glimpse into that perfectly posed and filtered world.
As unlikely as it feels or seems…people are still willing to have the highest respect and admiration for these people…who seem to live in a world that exists only in the Influencer Fairytale novels.
Because I don’t know any entrepreneur in my world — especially not successful ones — who aren’t spending more time grinding and solidifying their brands.
They’re not hanging out on yachts daily.
They didn’t just hire a team and go live across the country immediately.
They aren’t even living in supersized mansions.
They’re present on the ground — making sure that foundation is stable. Like, on the daily.
Knowing this, why is it that so many people are more likely to believe in the Influencer Fairytale, island hopping- which even Beyonce isn’t doing on a day to day…she’s putting in the work.
If you’re constantly holding yourself to an external set of expectations and goals, how can you ever expect to see yourself through your own rose colored glasses that you save for views of everyone else?
Here are some of the things I learned that made me see myself through my very own pair of Royal Blue, oversized framed, Gucci sunglasses…
- When I tell myself I can do something — I show myself that I actually can do it. I’m more inclined to want to show myself and prove myself right. I set more intentional goals because I don’t want to let me down. I work harder - because there’s nothing like that feeling of letting yourself down because you simply didn’t try. It hits different.
- I can create my reality. I’ve learned to allow myself a certain level of compassion…as much as I can lend to anyone else I should reserve for me at the very least. When I accept all the parts of myself, I remove ego and pridefulness. I have a deep love and acceptance of me while still working towards being a better version. That is true love if I do say so, right? When you trust that you create your reality — you own the power as much as you can of the existence you create. That is powerful!
- I can own who I am so that I feel the most comfortable in my skin. That means- good, bad, all the parts that make me who I am. When I commit to having compassion for myself and trusting myself- allwoing spaces for learnings…I create the highest level of existence for myself. Accountability. Trust. Discipline. Empathy. Support. Celebration. Acceptance. Belief in…All the considerations I extend to those I ‘admire’.
Now for ‘the how’…it starts with a shift in your mindset that removes the little impostor monster that likes to sit on your shoulder.
‘Impostor syndrome can affect anyone, regardless of job or social status, but high-achieving individuals often experience it.’
When I read up on impostor syndrome, and learned that even the highest achievers experience it, I decided that I would rather make a complete fool of myself and go all in on my dreams, rather than live half fulfilled.
That was my game changer; my non-negotiable.
It’s that simple choice, at least it was simple for me, that you have to make to believe in your gifts, purpose, calling, talents…maybe just a little at first.
Then more, more, more…until it becomes second nature.
Until you completely trust that little spark…
Until it becomes a flame.
Until it’s ablaze.
Alive, inside of you; you carry it into each day until there’s no room for disbelief. Because you are magical af.
Remember that people do value authenticity. You don’t need to have everything completely figured out — or present the perfect Instagram Fairytale.
Flaws are fabulous. Your individuality is interesting. And your magic belongs only to you.
You’ve spent so much time focused on supporting, following, and believing in others that you haven’t had the presence of mind to give that to yourself just yet.
Today’s a good a day as any to get started…
XX, Tori 💋